Thursday, March 27, 2014

Speed Dating

Let's go back to mid January. A couple of friends and I decided that since we had no plans for that weekend, we'd try something new. "Let's go speed dating!, what's the worse that can happen?" 
Yep, that's the first indicator that we have watched one too many chick flicks. 

We found a group at that promised to have THE most awesome speed dating events (big red flag: it wasn't pricey at all...). Armed with our credit cards and no expectations, we got our tickets and patiently waited for a new kind of girls' night out. It was at a local comedy club and your speed dating registration included a comedy show right after. 

Picture this: 

Friday night, Friend A and I drive across the border to pick up Friend B. We had promised to keep it a secret because "OHMYGOD YOU ARE GOING SPEED DATING?! YOU ARE SO YOUNG! YOU DON'T NEED THAT!". Yup, we have no time for sermons. 

So there we go, 3 girls in their cutest shoes, walking in to a comedy club that smelled like mold (eeew). As soon as we stepped in, the hostess asks in the most high-pitched, loudest voice ever: "Are you here for the speed dating event?!" The few people waiting for the first comedian turned and looked at us. She took us to a small event room on the back of the club. 

We were the first ones there. We didn't want to feed the stereotype that Mexicans are always late. Once we checked in, we turn around and there they are. A bunch of guys waiting for their number. I panicked. We went to get some drinks before the whole thing started and decided that Brad Pitt and his friends were definitely not coming. 

Off we go to sit down. We had tables 1, 2 and 3. We sat giving our backs to each other to a) not get too nervous if we glanced at each other, and b) not laugh out loud if we caught a lame date. BEST IDEA EVER.

The organizers give you a sheet with the names of all your dates (we had about 19), you then check yes or no to each one as they pass through and take some notes. Each gets 5 minutes at your table. 

The bell rang. Guy #1 was a no-no even before he uttered a single word. He was so distracted it's not even funny and started talking about his past speed dating experiences. Apparently he's not a huge nature lover as he went on a rant about how his last match was signed up with Greenpeace and that was "SO LAME". My answer was "I'm signed up with Greenpeace". After brushing off my comment he proceeded to give a speech about how he doesn't care about the Earth because it's going to end anyway and since we are all made of stardust we will eventually be born again. The bell rang again. I was able to breathe now. 

Guy #2 was his best friend. Tall, blonde-ish and not as arrogant as his buddy. He had spent a few years in Afghanistan and was now stationed back in SD. I checked YES but wasn't completely sold. 

Then there was the "taken foreigner". I didn't even ask. Moving on.

There was also this guy who was on his 4th round of speed dating and he had never gotten any matches. He seemed like a nice person but...not for me. Funny hair, scary stare. He was a kindergarten teacher, had a 6 year old daughter, occasionally smoked pot and dressed plain weird. Overall, he wasn't really worried about first impressions. He even smelled funny. 

I can't remember the specific order of the rest, so I'll just assign them a number :P 

Guy #5 believed we had SO MUCH in common because we both liked food.  "Oh my God this is so weird! We are such foodies, all we are talking about is food. this is AWESOME! it's very cool!" Well, yeah, I need to eat sometimes and it's all you are asking about. That does not make us soulmates. He then asked what I do for a living and I guess he wanted to play his i'm-so-interesting card because when I asked him back he said "I'll tell you what. I know I'm going so say yes to you, so when you say yes to me and we go on our first date I'll tell you". "ok, you've got yourself a deal" I said. The bell rang. I checked NO. 

Guy #6 I decided to check YES. Born in Iran, he came to the US when he was 17. He had a sexy Persian accent and beautiful eyes and works in the same industry as I do. Shy, but gave me hopes for the rest of the evening.

Guy #7 looked as if someone forced him to be there. Wouldn't talk if I didn't, and then replied with no more than 3 words. Meh. 

Guy #8 was #7's cousin and the last of the night. Really tall, good looking and talkative. Also worked in my industry which gave us something to pass the 5 minutes with. I checked YES and hoped that if we ever made a baby, those good looks would be inherited. 

The rest of the bachelors are all a blur. We left the room and went to the ladies room. I had been holding it for one hour and desperately needed to pee. There was no line but we did bump into a couple of drunk ladies complaining about the quality of the guys. After that it was time for the comedy show. We sat down for 5 minutes of not laughing at all and decided to leave. 

The ride to downtown was quite entertaining. My friends and I exchanged notes and realized we had picked 2 guys in common: Guys #2 and 8. We went to a bar in Gaslamp, danced, grabbed some drinks. A couple of guys approached us with no intention of hiding the fact that they only wanted sex. 

The next day, I logged in to the speed dating website to select my potential matches. I chose the 3 lucky winners and discovered 2 of them had picked me as well. Needless to say, my ego was very hurt that Guy #8 was not one of them. 

In conclusion, while it was fun to do that with my friends, I will certainly not be making a habit out of it. It makes for a funny story to tell, that's for sure! 

Stay tuned for a follow up to this story ;) 

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